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The metaphysical malady known as Sock Monkey Vampyrism ("SMV") is a virus-like evil force that, once introduced into the victim/host, thrives within the poly-fil or stuffing. The result is that the victim/host is transformed into a sock monkey vampyre. While SMV gives sock monkey vampyres certain powers such as incredible longevity, flight, great strength and speed, mesmerism, or polymorphism (the various powers associated with SMV differ depending upon the strain of the malady), it also robs said vampyre of his or her sense of right and wrong or moral compass, known as monkatude. SMV also leaves the sock monkey vampyre with an insatiable desire for cotton and polyester stuffing which he or she must replenish frequently by sucking this material from the bodies of other sock monkeys.

While we generally differentiate between SMV and other forms of vampyrism, the reality is that there is only one type of evil that creates vampyrism, and any type of creature may contract the disease. However, the internal and external effects of the sickness differ among species and even among individuals. It is because of these differences that we often discuss SMV as unique from other forms of vampyrism. Because of the commonality of the disease, however, it is entirely possible for a human vampyre to transmit the malady to a sock monkey and vice versa. However, sock monkey vampyres are not able to feed from humans as they do not possess stuffing. Likewise, human vampyres are not capable of feeding from sock monkeys as sock monkeys lack the blood essential to human vampyres.

Vampyres are not truly dead. However, their vital functions are greatly arrested, which causes them to appear dead. This feature of the disease also give the vampyre his or her longevity since bodily systems are not used frequently enough to wear them out in a normal life span.

Unlike human vampyres, sock monkey vampyres are able to withstand all but the most intense direct sunlight as they are protected from the sun's rays by their hardy work sock exterior. However, all vampyres loath and shun objects associated with goodness, love, and virtue such as most religious artifacts and any other representations of positivity (for example, according to one reliable account, a vampyre hunter was able to keep an entire clan of sock monkey vampyres at bay with a vintage peace symbol medallion).

Fortunately for sock monkeys, it is possible to turn a sock monkey vampyre back to the path of righteousness by piercing said vampire with a special spike or stake, often made from silver, while reciting a specific incantation. Different cultures have developed different spells and methods of accomplishing this feat. For example, in Romania, the actor must pierce the sock monkey vampyre in the chest with an enchanted silver stake while reciting "Nici mort nici al flinctei, Te invoc, spirit al trecerii. Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal." (Not dead, nor not of the living, spirits of the interregnum, I call. Restore to the corporal vessel, that which separates us from beast.). The silver or other conduit purifies the evil from the sock monkey vampyre's stuffing. After purification, the sock monkey continues to be a vampyre, however, his or her monkatude is restored. Therefore, while such a vampyre retains his or her powers, longevity, and thirst for stuffing, the evil which wrought these changes is dispelled and the sock monkey's virtue returns. Fortunately, cotton and polyester stuffing may be purchased in bulk from craft stores, and, thus, the healed sock monkey vampyre need not resort to sucking the filling from his or her fellows.

Unfortunately for humans, a similar procedure for restoring humanity to a human vampyre would be exceedingly difficult if not impossible. It is much easier to extract the evil forces from a sock monkey's simplified physiology comprised primarily of stuffing than it is to extract the same forces from humans or other such animals of flesh and blood.

Sock monkey vampyres may be disposed of in a more permanent manner by decapitation or incinerating. Unlike for human vampyres, a wooden stake through the chest will not kill a sock monkey vampyre as they lack hearts of flesh. Piercing and destroying the heart is what terminates the human vampyre. However, staking a sock monkey vampyre will incapacitate it for as long as the stake is implanted. It is for this reason that a staking is often concluded with decapitation or incineration as a coup de grace.