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Well, I didn't want them to catch me eavesdropping, so I climbed up in this tree so I could listen to their bizarre plot.  Alright, so here's the big shocker: They had gotten a hold of some vials of really virulent stuffing flu and they were gonna launch stuffing flu laced missiles at all us sock monkeys.  And, according to them, this strain of flu spreads really rapidly and would likely kill any creature filled with polyfil or cotton batting.  By the way, sock monkeys aren't the only creatures that are filled with stuffing.  Imagine the carnage.  I told you it was shocking.

I knew I had to stop them.  Yes me.  See, I haven't told you yet but I've got a super power, so I'm tougher than I look.  I don't like to talk about it but it all started when I was accidently scrubbed with shampoo that had orange roughy fish oil in it.   

O.K., this anti-sock monkey talk really had my red heel in a twist and I could feel that orange roughy fish oil pulsating through my stuffing.  This is about the time when my super power usually kicks in.  So I started to grow and get really strong.  I'm like, twenty times the size of a normal sock monkey and like twenty-three and a quarter times as strong.  So I jumped out of the tree and leapt onto the sock terrorist who had the vials.  They tried to skate away, but I was way too tough for them and I wrestled both of them to the ground.  Then I took the vials and wrapped the bad guys up for the cops in the one guy's stupid red cape.


Then I made a rousing speech about tolerance and everyone smiled and tears were shed.  It was really beautiful.  There might have even been some big eyed ponies and a rainbow.  People started passing around Cokes and candles.  I'm telling you, it was something.

Well after all that growing and tackling of bad guys, then shrinking back to normal size, my hands got all sorts of chapped.  So I stopped over at the Udderly Smooth table where they were all like "Wow, that was awesome with the growin' and the shrinkin'.  Here, have some lotion."  Let me tell you, that was some mighty fine lotion.  I will not forget that lotion.

That's not the only thing I won't forget from the Udderly Smooth table.  I met this really nice girl who taught me that not everyone hates sock monkeys.  But you know how it is, freak powers = lonely existence, so I just had to play it cool and say goodbye to her.  Insert sad Incredible Hulk walking away ending theme song instrumental music here.

The End.