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Today I went to Ottawa which is the capital of Canada and home of the highest educated workforce in the country (at least that's what they told me at the visitors' centre).  So, anyway, I was down at Rideau Canal where artists were sculpting ice into these great sculptures.  I contemplated the hand holding the world for a long time, it was very heavy.  I mean, is the hand holding up the planet, or is it crushing it?  Does this new "Hand Holding Theory" mean that the planet really doesn't rest on the back of a giant tortoise or that planets really don't revolve around the sun due to the pull of gravity?

Everyone was also skating on the frozen canal, and since I never go anywhere without my figure skates, I decided to join in on the fun.  Yes, I said figure skates.  It's not my fault that hockey skates don't have toe picks.  How am I supposed to do toe jumps without toe picks? 

So, while strapping on my skates, I overheard these guys talking about how much they hated sock monkeys and how sock monkeys were the cause of every problem in the universe (including the deterioration of George Lucas' Star Wars franchise and the re-election of George Bush) and how they wanted all sock monkeys to die.  This was very uncool.

So I kinda nonchalantly skated over to where they were doing their angry anti-sock monkey chants so I could read their hate propaganda and maybe blow raspberries at them.  But as I got closer, I could hear two of these nut jobs talking together, and what they said was really, really shocking.  I mean shocking like "All these years and you're actually a robot ?!?" shocking and not like "oh, there's a booger on my burger" shocking.